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A PR plan for Capitalism

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Capitalism has had a biffing lately and perhaps needs to speak up. Some people think it’s good for investors, bad for everyone else.

As I understand it, the original idea was that that since equity holders have the least “rights”, if they are looked after everyone else will be fine. It doesn’t really seem to work like that.

Some business folk adopt a “don’t look at me” tone when asked to defend the system which has enriched them, which may not help.

They says it is up to the G7 to make the case with a clear narrative that explains how capitalism has taken the world out of poverty and will do the same in Africa, if proper governance can be introduced.

My, as usual two word long, PR plan goes like this: “Be nicer.”

Capitalist PRs offer the following:

Treat your customers like your mother.

The shareholders will survive if you pay your lowest paid workers more – so just do it. And yes climate change is real and we expect you to be helping to stop it.

If you don’t campaign for your existence someone else will campaign for you to be eliminated

Turn capitalism on its head. Look after the customers, the staff and the environment and then the shareholders will have brilliant companies to invest in.

Pay your staff properly, with proper pension contributions. Stop low paid contract work and dreadful zero-hours contracts.

Get your environmental policy right. That’s not paying for expensive PR campaigns. It’s about ensuring you don’t dump chemical waste into a river.

Pay your taxes. Stop arguing. Just pay them.

Sort out executive pay. It’s a total scandal and everyone knows it.

And finally, a note from my favourite right wing loony correspondent: “Stop the endless woke bullshit. We are seeing company strategy dictated by a woke 28 year old in the CSR department, terrified of upsetting halfwit millennials on Twitter. I’m sick of it.”

So I think we’ve sorted this one. Tomorrow: a cure for Alzheimer’s.

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