This Is What They Pay You For

LOCATION: An executive suite at Easyjet HQ near Luton Airport.

Easyjet CEO Johan Lundgren: How come we are getting such negative press while Ryanair swans about, everyone’s favourite airline?

How come we are “under fire as flight chaos exposes operating model”, while that Irish git is running “the best airline”, ever, apparently?

I can’t stand it. I want a big press campaign, huge billboards everywhere, about how Ryanair wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for us. About how we fly from proper places to other proper places, while they go from a field in Northampton to a village in Estonia. You have to walk the last 50 miles.

It’s no wonder they have had to cancel fewer flights than us. We’re hitting back, hard.

Easyjet flak: The trouble is chief, if I may, that you are picking a fight with someone who really likes fighting. And gambling. He doesn’t care, which makes him better at this than us.

JL: Well I’m not just ignoring it. Find me a form of words.

EJF: How about: “Being at busy, slot-constrained airports means we have been affected during the unique period of industry operational challenges, perhaps more so than carriers flying out of less popular secondary and tertiary airports.”

JL: You already had that written down, didn’t you?

EJF: I’m a pro.

JL: Ok, so that message on every ad slot or billboard we have, right?

EJF: We are sending a letter to the FT.

JL: To what end?

EJF: So you get this off your chest, but no-one actually sees it.

JL: (Sighs). This is what I pay you for, yes?

EJF: Yes sir.